Almost every student in grade school had to do a project about what they were thankful for on Thanksgiving. Here is my own rendition on what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for the pilgrims offering a peace treaty to the Native Americans, even though it was eventually broken by the sons and daughters of the first generation because they wanted more land.

I am thankful for my family since they never forced me to celebrate a holiday where one of the main aspects is to eat enough turkey to clog an elephant’s artery.

I am thankful for Snapchat making everyone look like they’re about to drop the hottest sneeze of 2016 when they use their filters.

I am thankful for my part-time job since I’ve had seven of those so far in the past school year.

I am thankful for Frozen because I can finally tell if someone has bleak taste based on if they can sing “Let it go.”

I am thankful for the Kardashians since they make me feel better about myself because I would rather have a personality than mistaking a pig for a chicken. 

I am thankful for PC’s because they don’t charge two grand for a laptop that has the functionality of one worth half the price. 

I am thankful for my clothes because the latest fashion trend is to wear distressed clothing straight out of the trash can.

I am thankful for popcorn getting stuck in my teeth, but I don’t think my dentist is all that happy.

I am thankful for Kanye West because he makes me feel my Kanye Best when he’s Kanye Dressed to be Kanye Impressed.

I am thankful for capitalism since spending a thousand dollars on a sweater gets my patriotic blood going.

I am thankful for Buzzfeed because when I’m feeling down all I have to do is think that someone somewhere at Buzzfeed is writing a quiz about eye and hair color based on food.

I am thankful for Overwatch because I love waiting two whole months for one character.

I am thankful for the sunset since they keep all the unoriginal Instagram users busy.