Too young, too old

Getting behind the wheel is the first step of growing up.
Photo Credit: Alex Nedelcu
Getting behind the wheel is the first step of growing up.Photo Credit: Alex Nedelcu
Getting behind the wheel is the first step of growing up.
Photo Credit: Alex Nedelcu

“Sorry ma’am, you’re not old enough to buy this movie ticket,” the movie clerk told me, as he basically shot me out of the room with his gaze. Jeez, what’s his problem?

“You’re too old for this ride, sweetie, sorry,” Francis says with a voice that has been obviously deepened by cigarettes.

“You can just drive to my house,” my partner says, with a hopeful tone of voice. Yeah, if only I had a car. Heck, if only I had a license.

I am at a point in my life where everything is borderline. Either I am too old, too young, too tall, too short, you name it. In two month’s time, I will be able to earn my driver’s license, and find a job. That means I will have to balance school and a job, and will also start learning what it is like to provide for myself (well, as far as gas money goes).

Thinking about starting this period of my life is overwhelming, but the time I am spending focusing on “what if” and “when I’m a little older” is just obnoxious. Instead of enjoying my last two months of being a child, I am planning my future as if I will always be out, and never home. As a matter of fact, when I start driving and working, I will either be at school or at work; not out and about.

I am in the very middle of growing up and staying young. Both have their pros and cons, but the thing is that half of me wants to grow up, but the other half of me only wants to stay young. I see the challenges that are presented with growing older and having more responsibilities . . . even if it is just driving.

At the same time, I want to stay young and be carefree. I want to continue making my mom drive me around everywhere, because of the unforgettable talks we have in the car. I want to feel the sense of joy when I receive a $20 bill to go shopping. I want to dance around in my room with music blasting, and I want to still have childish breakdowns.

The past few months have been marker events in my life so far, and they made me realize one thing, and one thing only: you’re only in high school once. Sure, it is not the best feeling when you think you are judged for being even the slightest bit different, but this all ties in with being young and not having responsibilities. This has absolutely everything to do with not caring what other people say about you. I know that when I am truly old, and I look back at my highschool years, I will smile with joy at all of the crazy actions my friends and I have taken.

So despite this “borderline” point of my life, I am perfectly happy with still being fifteen and careless. Next, I will be sixteen and driving, seventeen and working, and eighteen accompanied by adulthood. I realize that all I need to do is slow down and enjoy the last two months I have left to be a kid. The last few months I have left to have those amazing car conversations with my mom.