The old "he loves me, he loves me not" game is a perfect example of dwelling. Photo Credit: Alex Nedelcu
It is common for presumptuous teenagers (such as myself) to work a topic until it is torn and bleeding. We can take the most innocent comment and somehow examine it until we are positive it is the polar opposite than what it was intended to mean. All of a sudden, a simple “hello” turns into an “I hate you,” and even the snarky “what are you wearing?” turns into “nice outfit, dude!” I am a prime example of a dweller and an over-thinker. And although I do not admit this with great ease, I am in fact an extremely sensitive person.
To the common outsider, I have a cold heart. A tough brick wall that is not coming down. However, when I am alone, the wall crumbles, and the emotions come rushing through. Every harsh word that was thrown at me, and the vulnerability comes out without mercy. I am a typical teenage girl that has emotions and feelings, but at times, it feels as if my emotions drown me to the point of shutting down.
Dwelling on events that have already happened has become my specialty since I was young. It is as if I was born with the superpower of dwelling. “Alex, what is your talent?” Umm, over thinking, dwelling, and being affected by other’s opinions! I am not a nervous or anxious person. I am happy, and I have a great life, surrounded by wonderful people. It is simply the fact that I like to build up emotion-blocking walls, so that people can try to knock them down, but when that does not happen, I grow more and more miserable.
[vision_pullquote style=”1″ align=”center”] So, I dwell. It is not a big deal, and maybe my sensitivity isn’t going to cause people to feel bad for me or stop their day just to give me a hug. [/vision_pullquote]
After finding true happiness in myself and being alone, it has become easier for me to control my dwelling. Instead of being the center of attention in my brain, dwelling has become the annoying little voice in the back of my mind that I can still hear, but can easily ignore. Dwelling and over-thinking will always be a factor of my personality, but this is a factor that makes me stronger, and most importantly, it makes my voice heard whenever I have a certain opinion toward something.
So, I dwell. It is not a big deal, and maybe my sensitivity isn’t going to cause people to feel bad for me or stop their day just to give me a hug. The solution to my personal dwelling problem was that I realized I don’t want a hug or another person’s pity. I keep myself busy in order to keep my mind from wandering, read books that make me happy, and I pamper myself. I spend a lot of time alone so that the self-love starts again and the self confidence comes back to me.
But, my self-confidence is not set in stone, and neither is my ability to put off dwelling thoughts.