Hiking over the hills in search of my old selfSlow down, breathe, reevaluate
Last weekend, our publication earned a Pacemaker Award. Holding the plaque in my hands, I realized that pushing myself did pay off in the end, and I feel motivated to reach high again. Photo Credit: Zhen Yu
Life has been moving too fast for me, especially since senior year is ending. One lap after the other, I’m constantly running the track of life–but I’m getting tired. I jumped over hurdles like a breeze at first, but lately I’ve been tripping over them and landing face-first. I’m at a point where nothing feels right anymore, and I want to take a break from every responsibility I have.
Some call it Senioritis, a teenage sickness that makes us tired of schoolwork, but I call it exhaustion and boredom. While I may have “Senioritis” when it comes to my assignments, I’m even getting tired of some of my friends and avoiding my parents whenever I can. My grades are dropping, I’m not following my full skincare routine anymore and all I ever want to do is sleep.
This new attitude that I’ve created is toxic not only to myself, but also to those around me. My teachers have noticed my downfall, and my close friends ask why I’ve been so careless lately. I miss the old me, who check-marked every task off her to-do list and walked with purpose. The person I’ve been seeing in the mirror for the past month stares back at me with dark circles under a layer of concealer, and she tells me to stop trying.
One day, while catching up on missing work, I took the time to evaluate my actions and behavior. I realized that I didn’t lose motivation because I just want high school to end; I lost it because I pushed myself for too long–and my own mistreatment has finally come to bite me.
To fix my attitude and motivate myself again, I am going to start working in bursts–work for 45 minutes to an hour straight, depending on how long a certain task takes, and then take a short break. During this break, instead of wasting 15 minutes on Twitter, I will eat a snack or practice breathing exercises. As far as mending relationships with the people I love, I’ll practice being aware of my irritation before getting upset.
Exhaustion can make everything feel heavy and tedious, but it should not be an excuse to avoid work and loved ones. They key to overcoming exhaustion is to constantly ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way? And how can I fix it?” Through perseverance, finding long-lost motivation and passion will be easier to achieve, and you’ll be your old self once again.