To avoid triggering the average keyboard crusader on Tumblr, some would rather stay quiet to keep away from a barrage of self-righteous social justice warriors at their necks. Instead, why not properly learn political correctness to avoid these issues?

Political correctness is the avoidance of forms of expression that would offend or discriminate against any group or type of person. This can range from gender, race and types of attack helicopters. Some may believe that political correctness is blown out of proportion, but belittling others for minuscule mistakes is a necessary step for peace.

One may argue that I am not the best person to consult for political correctness, but my PhD in making things up can speak for itself. I myself have been furiously offended by those who do not have their privilege checked. 

Even everyday tasks and normalcies are offensive. When I wake up, I have a fresh bowl of gluten-free, kosher, biodegradable, GMO-free, vegan dirt—so no one can take offense.

In fact, I have suffered years of oppression by the phrase “Oh my Yeezus!” As an advocate for Kanye West’s new album “The Life of Pablo,” I take offense to taking my lord and savior’s name in vain. I should be allowed to practice my religion, just like the respectable Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Like most people, I enjoyed Disney movies when I was younger—especially “The Little Mermaid.” But one aspect has offended me to this day. Ariel’s race. Using the term mermaid is demeaning to magical fish human hybrids, I prefer the name “Aquatic Atlantean” as it expresses their place of origin. Using any other name would be demeaning towards mythological beings. Somewhere in the world, Bigfoot is shaking his (or her) head in disgust.

Even everyday tasks and normalcies are offensive. When I wake up, I have a fresh bowl of gluten-free, kosher, biodegradable, GMO-free, vegan dirt—so no one can take offense. Along with my breakfast, put on my earth-friendly frown.

Making sure everything is politically correct is the only way to defend another person’s rights—even if they are not offended. Someone being uninformed on the proper terms for every single person or not knowing what is offensive to every single person is simply an invitation to hostility. Bombard them with as many Wikipedia articles as you can, and make sure you end with “check your privilege.” You may not know what it means, but it sure does sound cool and commanding.