SATIRE: VinhMD, the epidemic that is senioritisAn in-depth exposé of the disease
Here we see a senior in it's natural habitat; currently in a deep slumber. Research suggests that this specimen is dreaming about Summer Break. Photo credit: Vinh Tran
As the last year of high school closes, I’ve been noticing some strange behavior among my fellow peers. They seemed to have lost the energy and drive of their freshmen year and have devolved into an unmotivated student. The phenomenon that is “senioritis” has affected most of the senior class.
Senioritis (Seen-your-eye-tis,) noun.
1: A supposed affliction of students in their final year of high school or college, characterized by a decline in motivation or performance.
These students slowly develop symptoms right after their first semester exams, but in rare cases, they develop as early as the first day of school.
The first signs of “senioritis” is an increase of missing work and tardies.
Some students even skip school altogether and have created a sort of holiday called “Senior Ditch Day,” where almost all seniors are absent.
As high schoolers, students who are affected can easily influence the rest of the student body, eventually infecting others as well. Normally, staying home will prevent contagion but will most likely result in yourself being contracted with “senioritis.”
Avoiding this epidemic is a feat only some have lived to tell the tale. But I have conducted a foolproof plan to isolate oneself from “senioritis.” The first step is to avoid all your graduating friends; any kind of exposure to the Class of 2018 will result in you getting infected.
Secondly, since students affected with “senioritis” are blinded by the thought of leaving high school, one should wear a blindfold at all times. My reasoning behind this is if you can’t see them, they cant see you. Trust me, I’ve played many games of freeze-tag and hide-and-seek in my younger days.
Lastly, the easiest precaution to “senioritis” is pretending you’re a junior. You can’t get “senioritis” if you’re not a senior. You’re already a step ahead of the disease.
Scientists and doctors have yet to find a cure for this devastating disease. Some patients have resorted to dropping out of school as a result of prolonged exposure to “senioritis.” If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with this disease, please contact this number, 1-800-GETOVERIT.