Growing up, whenever I was faced with conflict, I was always told to “be a man about it.” Generally, this means men should suppress any emotion that makes them vulnerable, such as sadness and fear, and instead replace it with confidence and bravery, no matter the situation. It always made me feel weird; why does expressing genuine emotion make me seen as less of a man? Why am I worried about my manhood at a young age? Little did I know, this phenomenon has a name: toxic masculinity.
As boys grow into men, they are taught to have the behavior men have had “traditionally.” This is the idea of toxic masculinity: this expectation that men should be strong, insensitive, and dominant, never portraying traits seen as “feminine.” In other words, men should avoid vulnerability as a whole, and not exhibit any emotions that don’t align with the idea of a dominant man. Crying? That’s weak. Fear? That’s only for women. I was always taught men should be strong as they are the “protector,” there should be no fear shown as that’s what makes you “weak and vulnerable.”
One of the most damaging aspects of toxic masculinity is how it’s used against men, by men. For instance, I have seen many men on social media who engage with hobbies that are seen as “overly feminine”—such as using skin care routines or painting nails—that often receive the most backlash from other men.
I have had my own experience with this outside social media, with figures in my life like my father who wonder why I have my own skin care routine. Even if it’s as simple as cleanser and moisturizer, in his eyes it’s “too feminine.” I’ve always wondered, why is me taking care of myself wrong? Why is the bare minimum of hygiene considered more manly? Why are men bullied by other men online for things like this? The answer is simple: actions like this challenge the outdated narrative behind toxic masculinity. The response to these are usually discriminatory, such as questioning one’s masculinity and making sexist remarks. This is in an attempt to “correct” their behavior to act like “more of a man.”
Social media has done nothing but continue to promote this issue. A prominent example of this is Andrew Tate. Influencers like him promote the image of a man who is domineering and narcissistic. Content like his encourages the belief that men must embody the stereotypes of toxic masculinity. The worst part? Many young men buy into his content and look to influencers like him to be their parental figure that will guide them to become a “real man.”
The most impactful way to break through this generational curse is to redefine masculinity. True strength of men should lie in their ability to express themselves, openly communicate, and not restrict themselves or others to only “masculine” things. Social media, which is currently used to fuel toxic masculinity, can instead play a huge role in globally shifting the aspect of masculinity by paying attention to more positive role models, such as Brette Steele and Destyn Land, who challenge gender stereotypes by attacking the causes and redirecting views on masculinity. Taking respective action is what can change the definition of masculinity. Masculinity shouldn’t be a blueprint men have to follow, it should be freedom to embrace the person you want to be.
