Neglecting friendships

Often when couples are too caught up in each other, they forget about past friendships.Photo Credit: Sahar Kanfi
Often when couples are too caught up in each other, they forget about past friendships.<br />Photo Credit: Sahar Kanfi
Often when couples are too caught up in each other, they forget about past friendships.
Photo Credit: Sahar Kanfi

“Hello?” I answer in a tired voice, as I awoke from a much needed nap.
“I. Cannot. Stand. Him!” My best friend screams through the phone, “all he does is complain, complain, COMPLAIN! Ugh, Alex, WHAT DO I DO?”

I have always been the kind of person that is joyful for my friends whenever an exciting event happens in their life. When my friends start new relationships, I always let them know that I am extremely happy for them and I am here to talk to them about any issues that may arise. However, what upsets me the most about relationships is when my close friends choose their boyfriend over me.

It takes quite a lot for me to label someone a “close friend.” However, when I do, I expect them to be there for me, like I am for them. I understand that someone cannot be here for me at all times, but I do not find it fair for my close friends to replace me with their partners.

Many times, when my friends begin new relationships, I am left out of the activities we normally used to engage in, such as going shopping or having movie nights. Ultimately, when I do want to spend time with them, I end up being the “third wheel.” Being in this position has made me understand that when I am in a relationship, I will not neglect any of my current friendships.

My only desire is to keep friendships and not lose them over a silly high school relationship. After the relationship is over, there is always an attempt made to mend the friendships that were broken. However, most of the time, it is too late. I am not a second option, nor am I a third wheel. I have absolutely nothing against spending time with both my friends and their significant others, but it becomes an issue when I am constantly being disregarded.

When this happens to me, I become quite upset about the situation. What about a friendship is so hard to build, but yet so easy to destroy? Sure, it is easy to call someone your friend just because you may talk every other day, but a close friend is difficult to gain, due to the trust that must be incorporated. I do not think that trust is broken after a friend is lost, but because of a lack of communication, the trust disintegrates.

Ultimately, losing a friendship due to a new relationship hurts just as much as a breakup. After the breakup of a close friend and her partner, it is often tough to regain a close bond again. Often times, a relationship can truly change a person, whether it is for the best, or the worst. I do not think it is necessarily a smart idea to still expect me to be around, post-breakup, when the friendship was neglected.

One moment, we are together, shopping and sharing laughs, but the next, I am left in the dark. Perhaps this is just a learning process for me, and I should learn to cope with losing friends.