With the modernization of multiple Christmas traditions, here is the 2015 rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” by Vinh Tran.
On the first day of winter break, I slept off my intake of seven pounds of cold pizza; maybe I can model for Fashion Show Mall.
On the second day of winter break, I screamed as loud as I could for another Hot Pocket, but when I went downstairs, my family already left for their yearly trip to Canada.
On the third day of winter break, I decided to sell lemonade for my own plane ticket. Too bad I forgot it was 32 degrees outside.
On the fourth day of winter break, I killed off our fish with my body odor. I guess I should tell Marlin to stop looking for Nemo.
On the fifth day of winter break, I spent the day looking for another pillow to complete my fort. Just see if child services can find me in here.
On the sixth day of winter break, I went outside for the first time. It was the longest thirteen seconds of my life.
On the seventh day of winter break, I spent four hours looking for food because I couldn’t stand another bowl of cereal.
On the eighth day of winter break, I lost thirteen pounds. Maybe someone will take me to the Winter Formal due to my newly found beauty.
On the ninth day of winter break, I have found out that most of my friends will be leaving Southwest CTA in a few months. I think I gained back those thirteen pounds: thanks Ben & Jerry.
On the tenth day of winter break, I decided to start on some extra credit—extra credit being the extra ten dollars I have left on my Pizza Hut gift card.
On the eleventh day of winter break, my family finally returned back home. “Oh, who is that boy in our house?”
On the twelfth day of winter break, I decided to drown my sorrows by binge-watching “How I Met Your Mother.” Huh, when will Ted find the girl with the yellow umbrella?
On the thirteenth day of winter break, I called up my friends to go to Town Square—no one responded. Next time I won’t call at 3 a.m.
On the fourteenth day of winter break, I hyperventilated over the fact that I just spent the entire time doing nothing. I wonder why my tears taste so salty.